We all know the feeling of being provoked to the point of being so emotionally charged, we react purely on impulse. There’s no thinking involved. Auto-pilot kicks in, and we bypass fastening our cognitive seatbelts resulting in a bumpy ride. Acting without thinking is a reflex response that comes from a place of self-protection or when we have taken offence. But is attack the best form of defence? Rather than reacting, if we can respond in a reflective manner then we can fly above the turbulence to ensure a safe landing.
We are all familiar with a doctor tapping just below the kneecap to see if our reflexes are working. A reflex response is one that operates on a hair trigger, literally. There is no cognition or premeditation involved — you just do it. We have no cognitive control, hence the term “knee-jerk” reaction. In psychological terms, this is called an “action tendency”. It is an instinctive urge or default behaviour linked to a strongly felt emotion. The action tendency for fear might be to run or hide. For anger, the body will go into attack mode.
These coping mechanisms occur in the moment when in a state of overwhelm or feeling threatened, often resulting in ill-advised responses with undesirable repercussions. The emotional reflex activates a behavioural response that comes from the stress centre in our being. This amygdala-driven reaction is a reflexive stress response when the body goes into fight, flight or freeze.
This action tendency happens in everyday life when interacting with others where our emotions swell and hit like a tidal wave. When incited, we instinctively sidestep conscious thinking and we act on an emotional pivot where there can be unforeseen fallout, from spewing forth invective or jumping on the defensive. However, when we think in a reflective manner we can act in a considered way where we keep our top-note emotions in check. This form of self-regulation doesn’t mean our reflex response is wrong but rather our reflective response allows for us to not get caught up in the heat of the moment and to communicate our feelings accurately, explaining our hurts and anger.
To act or to react
The reflex response is rooted in the unconscious, tapping into the deep recesses of our mind where repressed memories and feelings reside. But it is also where our fears and insecurities lay dormant waiting to be triggered. This is where our trauma sits. For instance, when a war veteran hears the backfiring of a car, they can run for cover as it evokes the gunfire that happens in the fog of war.
Similarly, when we are under enormous pressure in our immediate environment or activated by unwelcomed or unexpected news, we can fly off the handle and say things we don’t mean. How many times can we remember situations where we reacted on impulse, shuddering when we recall things that were said, screamed or shattered. When caught off-guard, we can also be overcome by tears and even shut down. The unconscious mind operates without reason or management — it is a force of innate nature. Because it is instinctual, it is reactive.
The problem arises when these emotions lead to judgments made without the facility of awareness or prudent analysis. There is the sense of things but no recognition of what the reality of a situation actually is. While feelings can be effective indicators, when under pressure, they are prone to mislead or be deemed as unreliable resulting at times in rash outcomes.
The reflect effect
Unlike reflexive responses, emotional reflection uses a range of devices in order to circumvent the amygdala framework for re-diversion back into the pre-frontal cortex. This process means we take a step back from something that has upset us and consider why it has had this effect. We revert to the executive function where we can regain clarity and perspective on a situation. This form of reflection is effectively emotional processing.
The emotional reflex centres on the subjective experience, the physiological response and consequently the behavioural outcome. We behave impulsively based on that initial emotional reaction, however reflection allows us to literally be more thoughtful through self-regulation.
Reflecting is a contemplative act where you take the time to recognise the pain or distress you are feeling even as you are experiencing it. It is a form of self-observation where you accept the feeling but do not validate it instantly. Instead, you analyse and consider your reaction and determine the right course of action. Reflection uses your cognitive faculties but recognises that emotions are real.
In the moment, it is not an easy task to literally stop and think. Unlike emotional reflexivity, being reflective does not come naturally. In effect, this process needs to be cultivated. It is the ability to observe the instinct to react and subsequently to pull back from the reaction using self-awareness. It is a mindful act where we do not discard or dismiss our emotions as being faulty but rather investigate the validity of them. Now this is, at times, impossible in the moment. But with practice, we can get better at reining in our reactions. The aim is to manage them before they manage us. The following techniques can help to keep a lid on things:
- Breathing techniques, also known as breathwork, is one coping tool.
- Knowing what your triggers are is also helpful in avoiding situations that can incite an emotionally reflexive response.
- Enhancing body awareness so as you are reacting you can recognise that feeling in your body as it rises inside of you.
- Develop a range of tactical responses to cope with this physiological response: these can include breathwork, closing your eyes, squeezing your fists, repeating a mantra