Girls start out on a par with boys. But around adolescence, for many, their mental health takes a hit and begins to slide. In a 2023 survey by Planet Youth, 35 per cent of Year 10 girls rated their mental health “good” or “very good”, compared to 55 per cent of boys. The online survey – which included 27 schools within NSW and South Australia and more than 1700 participants – is one of many showing mounting evidence of a teen mental health gender divide. And it occurs in most countries, according to a 2021 study of 566,829 adolescents across 73 countries. Curiously, it’s worse in wealthier countries and those considered more gender equal.
Toxic culture
In the 1990s, author and clinical psychologist Dr Mary Pipher delved into the topic to understand the depression, anxiety, eating disorders, suicide attempts, cutting, substance abuse and other emanations of pain – in the girls she was seeing in her clinic. The bestselling book that resulted, Reviving Ophelia, blames our “girl-poisoning” culture. Sexist language, music, ads, TV and movies, sex abuse and porn are among its many manifestations. Society also promotes materialism, competition, perfectionism, sexism and obsession with physical appearance. Ultimately, it undermines girls’ confidence at a vulnerable stage of development and is literally toxic to their growth, values and wellbeing.
In Reviving Ophelia, Pipher writes: “They are coming of age in a more dangerous, sexualised and media-saturated culture. They face incredible pressures to be beautiful and sophisticated, which in junior high means using chemicals and being sexual.”
Her message remains relevant. Like parents today, those Pipher spoke to despaired. While trying far harder than their own parents, their daughters were more troubled. “They see their own families as dysfunctional,” she wrote. “Instead, I believe what we have is a dysfunctional culture.”
Digital dangers
Like many, parenting expert, author, speaker and former teacher Michelle Mitchell views the pervasive influence of tech as a major force undermining the mental health of adolescent girls. Their ever-attached smartphones and social media apps offer social connection, but also the omnipresence of bullying, peer pressure, sexism, social exclusion (like not being invited to the party) and other negatives. “It [tech] bleeds into every area of their life: their social relationships; their expectations around beauty,” Mitchell says. The author of Parenting Teenage Girls in the Age of a New Normal, Mitchell says unrealistic comparisons between them and what they see online creates limiting beliefs of themselves.
Unrealistic normals
When kids hit the teen years, identity and self-esteem centres around appearance, Mitchell says. “That’s nothing new. But technology has given them a new norm,” she says. The unrealistic, digitally enhanced beauty standards of today are something they can never measure up to and can be damaging to their self-esteem, their wholeness and personal development.
Today’s teen girls equate being beautiful with being sexy. “It’s not their fault,” Mitchell says. “That’s very much something they get from online.” And in their new normal, sex is more separate from committed relationships and values.
Sexual violence
A more disturbing common girlhood experience is sexual violence. Roughly one in three females in Australia experience childhood sexual abuse, according to 2023 data.
Peer-on-peer sexual assault and harassment is on the rise – ranging from sexting and pornographic images shared online to forced sex. A Sydney Morning Herald article (in August 2022), for example, described a doubling of sex offences at NSW schools reported to police over the past decade. Michael Flood, a professor of sociology at Queensland University of Technology, speaking on an ABC program (in May 2024), named hardcore online porn as the main influence. Nearly one in five young people have been sexually assaulted by another teen, according to the 2023 Australian Child Maltreatment Study. Academics blame this for rising mental health issues, drug use and self-harm.
Rising misogyny
New research by Stephanie Wescott and colleagues at Monash University indicates misogyny in schools has increased due to online influencers like Andrew Tate that promote patriarchal hegemony.
The female teachers interviewed by Westcott reported an escalation in misogynistic behaviour post COVID lockdown, coinciding with the growth in popularity of Tate. They described being patronised, belittled, sexually harassed, ordered about and threatened and witnessing female students subject to physical and verbal abuse, intimidation, silencing, gendered slurs and other insults from Tate-following boys. This has mobilised many schools to initiate measures to deal with the problem.
Unhelpful peers
During this turbulent time for girls, they tend to turn to peers (many who are similarly struggling) and distance parents. Peer acceptance becomes everything. “While peers can be satisfying and growth-producing, they can also be growth-destroying,” Pipher writes. She describes the scapegoating of girls who don’t conform to social standards: “girls are at risk of becoming the biggest enforcers and proselytisers of the culture.” Ranging from social ostracising to insults and belittling glances, the bullying of girls by other girls can be subtle yet brutal and hard to crack down on. Being the victim can dent mental health.
On the positive, with knowledge parents can be empowered to help girls thrive.
Repair self-worth
Help them build self-worth beyond peer acceptance and physical appearance. Parents can help girls reconnect to their true selves by encouraging their skills, interests and personal values. Convey belief in their ability to get through the storms. Stay calm. Be generous with praise, a great listener, patient with their moods. It’s a tough world. “It’s okay to have consequences for disrespectful behaviour, but it’s good to have a sense of humour and not ‘make a federal case’ out of cranky remarks,” Pipher writes. She says girls often provoke arguments to connect or distance parents. Mothers, who they trust most to still love them, are mostly on the receiving end. But involved, affectionate dads are integral to girls’ self-worth. Aunts and other older females can also be helpful confidants and encouragers.
Restore family closeness and support
In a 2022 article for The Telegraph, leading parenting expert Steve Biddulph reminds us that mental health is a family project. It’s being a loving, available parent, creating a safe and nurturing environment at home. But parenting within a society that’s increasingly stressed, rushed, online, lonely and removed from nature and community means we may need to make big changes to our lives.
Mitchell says research is clear: “Parents have the biggest influence in kids’ lives. And if parents are absent, culture becomes the biggest influence. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about who we are in our kids’ lives, showing up and being prepared to grow when you need to.” Connection is what’s most important. For every family, that’s going to look different, she says.
Build boundaries
Pipher found the most independent, socially responsible and confident teens had strict but loving parents.
Rules need to be clear, consistent and enforced. Parents also need to