When we think of successful kids, many of us picture straight-A students, sports trophies, and college acceptance letters.
But after years of studying over 200 parent-child relationships, I’ve found that true success is more about raising kids who are confident, emotionally secure, and deeply connected to themselves and the world around them.
The parents who really understood this embraced sometimes unconventional strategies that prioritized curiosity, a love for learning, and emotional intelligence over societal expectations.
Here are nine things they did differently early on:
1. They worked on themselves
Instead of worrying so much about how their kids reacted to challenging situations, these parents understood that their behavior would influence their child’s level of resilience. They modeled mental and emotional strength by being mindful of how they managed their stress in front of their kids.
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2. They refrained from always saying ‘good job!’
Instead, they encouraged reflection with “you should be so proud of yourself” or “you worked very hard on this — how does it feel?”
While well-meaning, “good job” can create reliance on external approval. These parents focused on fostering intrinsic motivation, helping their child take pride in their own achievements.
3. They focused on their relationship with the child
Through quality time, active listening, and shared experiences, they made their kids feel valued, safe, and understood. This also fostered the child’s confidence to take risks and thrive.
4. They didn’t punish their kids
They avoided punishment, knowing it builds resentment and disconnection, not skills. Instead, they let natural consequences teach lessons.
For instance, if a child forgot to do their homework, they faced explaining it to their teacher — a chance to learn responsibility and problem-solving. This approach built accountability and resilience.
5. They didn’t reward academic achievement
Instead of offering rewards for good grades, they focused on cultivating a love for learning. Whether their child excelled or struggled, they kept the focus on growth and made it clear that grades didn’t define their worth.
6. They valued questions over answers
They encouraged their kids to ask “why” and “how,” rather than simply accepting the “right” answer. This fostered curiosity and gave their child the confidence to challenge the status quo — key traits of future leaders.
7. They let their kids teach them something
Whether solving a math problem or explaining a favorite game, these moments gave kids a sense of importance.